The good, the bad, the very thing that makes or breaks you; everything happens for a reason.
I could not fathom the reason why you drifted away from me. I thought we said we would work things out. I don’t know how we started talking, I don’t know how we began, but when we did, you were just like the piece of puzzle that fit in my life, albeit not snugly. I have never found someone who had so much passion in basketball, who would willingly head to the gym with me, challenge me on so many levels physically. I don’t know when it happened but we started talking everyday, spending time with each other from the moment we wake till we hit the sack. Everyday. For 2 years. I shook off every one’s speculations of us getting together one day because you were the best friend I thought I would never develop any feelings for. But I did. I did when I questioned myself about that hint of happiness I had when you introduced me to your friends, and we hung out almost every other night with them. Yet, despite these feelings, deep within me, I knew there was just something off about you that I can’t quite point a finger to. It’s like you’re not THE ONE. When you decided to leave while I was still treading on that line of being rational due to that cloud of uncertainty and the rashness of diving deep into a relationship, I found out that all these emotions that I’ve been feeling; it’s that sense of comfort we have in things that we are used to having. I didn’t want to leave because it’d be out of my comfort zone, it’d be out of the routine, after all we have spent 2 years of our lives together almost every single day, and not having you around, I just didn’t know what to do.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t devastated when it happened. I was heartbroken. I was upset, and it bugged me a lot longer that I thought it would have. I truly believed and resigned to the fate that I would never find someone like you, someone who understands me well, and someone whom I could feel so at ease with. This episode broke me down to levels that I could not describe but I got back up because I knew I had to, and it’s my own decision to make or break my life.
While I was crawling out of that pathetic pit that I’ve dug myself further into, came someone whom seemed just like the man I’ve always been looking for. He is that disciplined dude that headed to the gym every other day, cooks, preps his own meals, enjoys going to cafes, who had a hell lot of dedication and determination, topped off with that uncanny ability to spring surprises on people with his amazing sense of observation (i.e. stalking, HAHA), and go out of his way for someone whom he really cares about. And his ravishing looks was a cherry (A HUGE ASS CHERRY) on top of the cake. He was one whom I heard about and seen around, but truly believed that he was one who was out of my league. He was too perfect. Too, very, perfect. Most of all, he didn’t even know me.
When we first started talking, we just clicked. I could not stop talking to him because I found him to be so interesting. I was so, so, so inclined to tell him about everything in my life, everything in my day, and even up till now, I still want to tell him about every single thing that is going on in my life, and at the same time, feel totally at ease with him while we sit in silence. The moment when I spoke to him was the turning point of my life, and the sequence that followed thereafter was just magical. Everyday I’m still so, so, so thankful that we started talking to each other, and I am still in shock, and today, I still feel all fuzzy and excited whenever I think about us being together, because he was the guy who was really, out of my league. And for him to even notice me, much less, talk to me, and even like me for who I am, it’s just a dream. It’s like a fairytale that has come true for me.
He is THAT missing piece of jigsaw in my life, that fit so snugly such that I feel whole whenever I think about him. When I’m having a horrible day, all I look forward to, is to seeing his face at the end of the day, and that is what keeps me going for the past months. He is the guy who not just challenges me physically, he makes me a better person because I just have the urge to do my best in everything and to push myself in every single aspect in life, so that I can be good enough for him, and so that he can be proud of me. Most of all, he not only challenges me, but he is also that sturdy pillar of my life that I know I can fall back on, no matter what happens.
Sure, it won’t be easy for us, but all I know is that this love is worth fighting for. I know I will not let you go because whenever I’m in your arms, it just feels like home. It’s been months and, every single day, no matter how tired, how angsty, or how annoyed I am, I’m just so, very thankful that our paths crossed, and I just hope that these 2 paths would just converge into a single unwinding road, which we would walk along for the rest of our lives.
I LOVE YOU, BENNY. Thank you for being THE REASON.